Comments

47 Responses to “The Lie: A Life Of Singleness”

1. Mother Dear says:

   May 20, 2009 at 1:26 pm

   Ahh… another lie we believe.
   There are so many myths that are propagated by “Christians” who have pandered to the world’s way of thinking. Women are especially vulnerable to this. We are emotional and like lovely things and often feel neglected. God is the only one who can fill all of our needs, and for most women, he will do it by joining us together with the man he created us for.
   Seeking the LORD and renewing our minds with HIS WORDS and shunning the feminist agenda and ideals is something we must do all of our days or the lies of the world and our enemy will get in there and grow until some well-meaning, but mislead Believer leads us away from God’s plan for our lives with a “biblical reasoning”.

   Trust only in the LORD. Not in man’s ways or plans.

   love you!
   blessings~

   Mother Dears last blog post..Pray for the Hulcy Family

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2. Alexandra says:

   May 20, 2009 at 1:53 pm

   Thanks so much for this post! This lie is sooooo prelevant in Christian circles. Singleness is not the norm at all. I recently read “Get Married”, and while I didn’t agree with everything in the book, it was so refreshing to hear someone proclaim that it wasn’t wrong to look towards my future with a “when I get married, Lord willing” instead of “if I get married, Lord willing”. ;-)

   Alexandras last blog post..How Obama Got his Votes…

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3. Miss Sarah Jean says:

   May 20, 2009 at 2:09 pm

   Great post! I think that you worded everything very well and I agree with what you are saying.
   I believe that this is something that a lot of people deal with, even subconciously!
   Blessings! I will try and stop by more often, I just always run out of time!
   Love you bunches!
   –Sarah

   Miss Sarah Jeans last blog post..Youth Bash!

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4. Samantha says:

   May 20, 2009 at 2:42 pm

   Amen! lol, :) AWESOME and well spoken post Jocelyn ;)

   Samanthas last blog post..The Good Old Days

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5. Aline Ramos says:

   May 20, 2009 at 3:10 pm

   How absolutely great post, Jocelyn!!! Loved it!! Just a few minutes before read you post, I was writing exactly about that in my blog… We, like women, need to understand that be a Good Wife (and Good Mother) is God’s will for us, and we need to prepare ourselves for that!! It’s do sad to see that most of the christian women (at least, here in Brazil) don’t worry about prepare to be the Women who God plans they do! I do admire your family example, how much your parents (especially you mom) takes care about help you and your sister to desire and to live God’s will for you like Women!! It’s really a blessing!! If you could read my post, it would be a big help to the brazilian girls understand more about that!!! Congratulations, Jocelyn!! Many blessings!! ;)

   Aline Ramoss last blog post..Preparando-se para ser uma Boa Esposa…

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6. Megan says:

   May 20, 2009 at 3:18 pm

   I really appreciate you writing this post. A little over a year ago I was taught “the lie” and believed I needed to “remain neutral” on marriage, basically, to not really care either way, ect. Yes, of course, we should be wanting God’s will no matter what it is, but now I see that the way I veiwed this issue needed to be changed.

   Thanks :)
   Miss Megan

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7. Christin says:

   May 20, 2009 at 3:39 pm

   Excellent Jocelyn. Very well said! I can completely understand how that can get irritating. :)

   Christins last blog post..A Piece of My Domain ~ WW

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8. jenny says:

   May 20, 2009 at 3:46 pm

   Col 1:14-16 For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him:

   Man and woman were created for God’s glory, woman was not created for man firstly, but primarily for God.

   1 Corinthians 7:7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
   9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

   These verses show that it is good also not to marry, but obviously if one has a strong desire to do so, then it is best to marry. If God has put a desire in your heart to marry then it is probably God’s will, although there are some who don’t have that desire, and that is good as well!
   Just clarifying things.;0)

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   Miss Jocelyn's Reply:
   May 21st, 2009 at 12:11 am

   I mean no disrespect to you Mrs. Carr, but that is the lie I was speaking about, and I cannot agree with you. The verse you used from Colossians was speaking about the Messiah and describing what and who He was. I cannot see where it has anything to do with a man, woman, or marriage.

   Woman was not made for God, but man. That is why God made her. Through her role as a help-meet to a man she serves God. That was her design.

   I did use the verse in 1 Corinthians in my article and it shows that Paul clearly says that it is his own opinion that one should not marry, and not something the LORD said was to happen or not. We also might take into consideration that Paul was getting up in years [and in great peril] when he wrote that and that might have attributed to his “don’t marry, remain as I” remark.

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   Levi Self's Reply:
   May 21st, 2009 at 6:25 pm

   Yet still, that was Paul’s recommendation, as he was a man of great faith. It may not have been a direct commandment from the Lord, but it is still wisdom that should be observed, not ignored.

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   Miss Jocelyn's Reply:
   May 22nd, 2009 at 11:42 am

   Yes, I believe so if taken in the right context and in “present distress”.

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9. Nikki says:

   May 20, 2009 at 4:09 pm

   I love how you worded that, Miss Jocelyn. Very well put. It’s sad how women are led to believe that, in this day and age, it is quite alright to be single. In fact, I think in some ways they play it up like it’s the better path. I know it can be hard for us to wait for our husbands and to leave it to the LORD, but I hope a lot of young ladies having that problem read this. I think it will help them very much.

   Thank you!

   Love,
   ~Nikki

   Nikkis last blog post..It’s Been Far Too Long

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10. sandpiper's man says:

    May 20, 2009 at 4:11 pm

    From time to time I have said this to young ladies. It will never happen again. Thank you.

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11. Sara says:

    May 20, 2009 at 4:28 pm

    Excellent words. God Bless you sweet one.

    Saras last blog post..Updates: Busy Week over here

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12. Lexie says:

    May 20, 2009 at 8:24 pm

    I agree that it is very easy to get wrapped up in the idea of singleness or finding the “one” and it is very easy to get impatient because things aren’t happening as fast as one would like them to. It’s very easy to get distracted, but if you keep your focus on God all things will come in a timely manner because no timing other than God’s is absolutely perfect.

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13. Allen says:

    May 20, 2009 at 9:12 pm

    So far so good but I was wondering about a few other verses that you did not mention. I would like your input on them as well as what you already posted. I agree that there is a damnable heresy that has crept into the church which seems to forbid people to marry but and this is a big BUT there are legitimate reasons why a person may choose to be single and that should not be disparaged like it is a sin or something take for instance:

    1Co 25 (RSV) Now concerning the unmarried, I have no command of the Lord, but I give my opinion as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26 I think that in view of the present distress it is well for a person to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek marriage. 28 But if you marry, you do not sin, and if a girl marries she does not sin. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.
    29 I mean, brethren, the appointed time has grown very short; from now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, 1 Corinthians 7:25-29

    1Co 32 (RSV) I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord; 33 but the married man is anxious about worldly affairs, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried woman or girl is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit; but the married woman is anxious about worldly affairs, how to please her husband. 35 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
    36 If any one thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry — it is no sin. 37 But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. 38 So that he who marries his betrothed does well; and he who refrains from marriage will do better. 1 Corinthians 7:32-38

    These are from the RSV but the KJV says this:

    1Co 32 (KJV) But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: 33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. 34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction. 36 But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry. 37 Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well. 38 So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better. 1 Corinthians 7:32-38

    I would really appreciate any and all input. I do not wish to argue, I just want some thoughtful discussion on this. I know where I stand from the MALE perspective but I would like the female perspective. Care to share? Thanks

    Allens last blog post..Wait and See What Develops

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    Miss Jocelyn's Reply:
    May 22nd, 2009 at 11:33 am

    Mr. Allen
    You made known at the very beginning of your comment why singleness is not something that was the LORD’s ultimate design for women was when you said “why a person may CHOOSE”. I think many times when people CHOOSE to remain unmarried it is not because the LORD called them, but because they have an idea of how they can serve the LORD in this “season of singleness”.

    I think the biggest part of this chapter that we seem to overlook is that Paul is speaking to those in “present distress”. What is the “present distress” he is speaking of exactly? There was a great persecution going on in this days where Messianic Belivers were being thrown into be eaten by wild animals, totured, burned alive, etc. This is the present distress Paul was speaking of when he said if you’re unmarried or married remain as so because that was not the time to be worried about either. We, today, because of the the previous verses, not considering his present distress, say that being single is best. Are we in present distress that we should remain as we are? Maybe if you live in China or Asia, but here in our western culture, no, we’re not.

    Because Paul is talking about remaining as you are “in this present distress” this doesn’t mean you are to remain as you are forever, only in present distress.

    I did not make any assertion to the fact that it was a sin not to marry, unless they are choosing by doing their things (college, ministry, work, etc). Like I said there have been many women who remained unmarried who have served the LORD with all their hearts. I simply made the statement that our God-given design was to be a helpmeet to a man and to be fruitful and multiply.

    A majority of singles today are not focused on the LORD, whether they are on missions trips or not. They are focused on what people think of them, how they can serve, and what they can do with this time of “singelness”.

    The union of a man and wife is the earthly representation of Bride, the Body, and the Bridegroom, the Messiah. It is a heavenly thing and something of holy union between man, woman, and the LORD. The WORD says that in the last days people (taught by demons) will “They forbid marriage” (1 Timothy 4:3). I think this plays into the mindset we now have about a “season of singleness”.

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    Allen's Reply:
    May 22nd, 2009 at 6:39 pm

    You said: “You made known at the very beginning of your comment why singleness is not something that was the LORD’s ultimate design for women was when you said “why a person may CHOOSE”. I think many times when people CHOOSE to remain unmarried it is not because the LORD called them, but because they have an idea of how they can serve the LORD in this “season of singleness”.

    I do not agree with this assessment and I guess I did not make myself clear in my original post. The purpose of Marriage is to produce GODLY offspring. And if you have no need nor desire to bring children into this wicked world than there really is not reason to marry. Unless of course you just desire the companionship. OKAY HOLD THE DARTS until I finish. There are other VALID reasons to REMAIN single one of which is to be WHOLLY and TOTALLY Devoted to the LORD. Being single has it’s advantages. You are not torn between serving God and following wherever he may lead. Those who are married Paul made it very clear that they would have TROUBLE in the flesh and be torn between devotions. BUT he did not say DO NOT MARRY but he also said IF you do not marry you do better. WHY in the world would he say that? Could he possibly mean that is it actually better to remain single and single-minded and focused on God? Would it do us good to EXAMINE our true motives? By that I mean are we seeking a MATE because we FEEL we need a mate? Are we seeking a mate because we feel incomplete without a mate? Are we seeking a mate because of SOME NEED?? Notice verse 37 of 1 Cor 7. Having no Need keeping his Spirit under control. I believe that is speaking directly towards sexual impulses and desires. Anyone care to comment on that? But I also see the NEED factor coming to the forefront in many marriage situations. One party or the other feels incomplete apart from being married. I hear terms like He completes me, I would be lost without him, or he compliments me, and such like.

    In regards to the PRESENT DISTRESS statement, it would appear to me Paul was talking about the soon coming of the Lord and the great distress the world will be subject to prior to His return. The fact is most of the disciples thought Jesus would return during their lifetimes. Of course we know now that is not true. :) anyway these are my thoughts and I would appreciate further dialog.

    oh and you can call me Allen :)

    Allens last blog post..This Weeks Golden Eagle Award Winner: McKay Hatch

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    Miss Jocelyn's Reply:
    May 22nd, 2009 at 10:14 pm

    We misunderstand that remaining single in Paul’s day was not what it is today. Women who did not marry remained under their father’s roof. They didn’t have their own life – so to say that a single person doesn’t have to worry about what their husband’s lead them is not counting in that they would have had a male authority, mostly a father, over them at any rate. When Judah’s daughter-in-law Tamar was widowed and told to wait until his third son was older enough to marry he told her to “return to your father’s house”.

    Widows you see in the Bible remained at home to raise their family or to mentor the younger women, being care for by the community as God continually instructs us to do.

    Yes, that is what I meant. I meant women’s design. We will not be married to Christ until He comes again to get the Bride. Right now she is preparing herself for him. Because Eve was taken out of Adam and is a part of him we are incomplete without a man. To say we, as a person, is married to Christ is unBiblical. The WORD says that the Messianic Believers are His bride, and we aren’t married yet.

    Paul was writing to the Church in Corinth when he wrote about the “present distress” about…. the present distress. The only other place you find him mentioning “present distress” was one time in 1 Th 3:7. I do believe it was about what he was going through at this time.

    The translation of that verse from the original greek and hebrew doesn’t assert the word “generation”, but rather “people” as in Israel would not pass away. I don’t know if the disciples thought he would return in their time or not just because they awaited His return. They know exactly what word he used in regards to “generation”. The termonolgies the Western Church use do not completely express what the Jewish authors wrote.

    As for your other comments, they are quite long and I have not studied the passages in depth enough to know have a decided opinion on the matter. I do know that Jezebel defiled her husband [he willing let her] in terms of holiness to the LORD. I am not certain if the verse in Revelation you quoted is about the physical relationship between a man and a woman or not. It may be in terms like the whore of Bavel who went whoring with the kings and peoples of the earth (revelation 17:2). She wasn’t whoring with them as in a physical s3xual way. Or another example is when Israel committed adultery when they went after other religions. It wasn’t a physical defilement, but it was a defilement unto the LORD.

    I do not call men, unless under 5 years my senior, by their first name. I was wondering your last name when I answered that first comment. Also, I won’t be replying to anymore questions as I’ve already stated what I believe.

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14. Theresa says:

    May 20, 2009 at 10:16 pm

    I believe that if we are truly preparing for marriage as God calls us to be, then we are preparing for life as well. I think that is what you are doing. I can’t say that I understand God’s workings, but I do know that two women who mentored me in the Titus 2 sense never married and both are home with the Lord now after years of service with Child Evangelism Fellowship, missions in South America and other service. Incredible women. They didn’t go out and seek a career “just in case”, though one did train to be a teacher which she did in missions. Both would like to have been married and had a family but for whatever reason God did not give them that gift. Both were excellent Aunties and mentored other young women like myself and devoted their entire lives to Him. They would have married, were not opposed to it, but did not anxiously seek it. I think it’s more the exception than the rule. I myself did not marry until I was 32. I wish I had had the Godly protection and training that you have with your parents. There was really no choice for me but to build a career and seek a plan B, since I could not be with my family as you could be in the same type of situation. However, God has totally blessed me in spite of my own blunders and misunderstand and I feel that He is showing me a different path for my own girls.

    Theresas last blog post..Jack’s Treatment Phase 2 Home Stretch

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15. Carrots says:

    May 21, 2009 at 5:22 pm

    Hello Jocelyn! Hope you are enjoying springtime and that all your family is doing well!

    I wanted to comment on this because I used to believe that it was wrong to desire marriage, and I should be totally indifferent to it. I agree with you that that is the wrong mindset to have; marriage is a blessing and something that God uses for His glory. The desire for a husband and family is a good desire, one given by Him!

    However, I disagree with the following statement you made in reply to a comment: “Woman was not made for God, but man and man alone. That is why God made her. Through her role as a help-meet to a man she serves God. That was her design.” My reason for disagreeing is that as created beings, our purpose is first and foremost to glorify God. That is one thing that Col. 1:14-16 is talking about; we are created by Him and FOR HIM. He may use our service to Him as wives to do that (and indeed, that is how the vast majority of woman will serve since most women do marry!), or He may use a lifetime of our service as single ladies for that purpose.

    Further on in the 1st Cor. passage, Paul gives more explaination for why He thinks single is a better option:

    “…And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.” 1st Corinthians 7:34b-35

    In giving this explaination, he also lays a clear outline for the goals and purposes of those who are still in the single season. Our mindset is to be service to the Lord during this season. One way we can serve Him is by preparing for the next season, but we must not make that or sole purpose or even our primary purpose. Otherwise, we have become “anxious about worldy things, how to please her [our] husband.” That is not the purpose of this season!

    None of this negates what I said earlier about desiring marriage. All things in moderation, except passion for the things of Christ.

    Blessings!
    ~Carrots

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    Miss Jocelyn's Reply:
    May 22nd, 2009 at 11:43 am

    Thanks for your comment Carrots. :) I sorta answered it in reply to Mr. Allen above.

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16. Francis says:

    May 21, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    A Vision of Submission and Love

    I had been in search of what i then called the “church” for a number of years prior to my receiving the vision that i will now share with you. In that “search” i heard many preach and speak of the need for “husbands to love their wives”.

    Ephesians 5:25 was the prime reference for such preaching. “Husbands, love your wives, even as The Messiah also loved the ecclesia(church), and gave Himself for it.”

    “Love” is not a husband and wife sharing their natural affection for one another, which is referred to as “coming together again” in 1 Corinthians7:5.

    And Eph 5:25 was preached and preached, again and again, and i wondered, “why is it that Ephesians 5:25 was recorded after and not before 5:22″, and “why is it no one preaches a message concerning those verses just prior to Ephesians 5:25″?

    Eph 5:22-25 “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Master(Lord). For the husband is the head of the wife, even as The Messiah is the Head of the ecclesia(church), and He is the saviour of the body. Therefore, as the ecclesia is subject unto The Messiah, so let the wives be subject unto their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as The Messiah also loved the ecclesia, and gave Himself for it”.

    Well the “why no one preaches concerning the verses just prior to Eph 5:25″ was readily answered as i began to recognize the manipulative processes used by women who desired to dominate the men folk within their particular ecclesia. And yes, that domination began at the “home”. However the question of verse order, “why verses 5:22-24 prior to verse 5:25?” was one thing i still could not comprehend.

    And today i yet remain thankful to GOD that i could not comprehend the verse order because that caused me to cry unto HIM for understanding, and HE provided such understanding in a vision, a revelation!

    In the vision there were two hands, a right hand and a left hand. And there was a person running about, to and fro in the left hand, and it was revealed the left hand was mine and that the one running about, to and fro, in the left hand was “I” in days that were thankfully long since gone. Days when “I” was “doing my own thing” seeking my own way, self-willed indeed and Truth.

    And the right hand in the vision?

    It was revealed that the right hand in the vision represented The Hand of GOD!

    It was then revealed that in those times past, when i was seeking to “do my own thing”, sadly, i did not know that GOD loved me. “I” did not know GOD. “I” was my ‘god’.

    Then by the Grace of GOD, the time came when HE revealed HIMSELF unto me.

    And then HE led me to HIS Son, and HIS Son, The Messiah, led me back to the One i once knew as “GOD”. However, the One i had known only as my “GOD”, i now knew as “Our Father”! The GOD and Father of The Messiah was now Our GOD and Our Father!

    All Thanks, Glory And Praise Be Unto “Our Father”!

    Then it was revealed that when i submitted unto Our GOD, when i was delivered from my own hand, seeking my own will, and into HIS Hand, desiring HIS Will, it was at that moment i knew HE Loved me.

    Yes, Our GOD and Father even Loved me when i was not submitted unto HIM, yet “I” could not experience, receive, or believe HE Loved me until “I” submitted unto HIM, HIS Will, HIS Way!

    And then it was revealed that it is the same with a husband and wife.

    When the wife submits, only then does she realize that her husband truly loves her. Oh, he loved her all the time, it’s just that she could not believe, receive, or experience the love her husband had for her until she submitted unto him.

    And so the simplicity of, and the need for, the “verse order” was revealed.

    Apart from submission, Love can not be received, GOD to Messiah, Messiah to man and man to woman. Love is given, yet only in submission can Love be received.

    Men and women are not the “same” and Thank GOD for the difference.”Our Father” has HIS Order, “HE is The HEAD of The Messiah, The Messiah is the Head of the man, and man is the head of the woman”.(ICor11:3) So why question”The ONE GOD, Father of ALL”? Apart from the Spirit of GOD, The Spirit of Truth, women rule over men, and as they seek and desire to dominate, they scream, “you don’t love me, you don’t love me”! For until a wife submits unto her husband she can not receive and experience the Love her husband was given, to give unto her.

    Yet there is hope for such women, and the men that are dominated.

    There is Hope that there would be those who “see”!

    For Miracles do happen!

    Hope is there will be those who experience The Miracle that is receiving “love of The Truth” for they will “see” that The Only True GOD is a GOD of Order not dis-order, and The Life is only realized by those who submit too, and abide in, HIS Order.

    Father Help! and HE does…….

    Peace, in spite of the dis-ease(no-peace) and dis-order that is of this wicked world, for “the WHOLE world is under the control of the evil one”(1 John 5:19) indeed and Truth…….

    Truth is never ending…….

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17. Joy says:

    May 22, 2009 at 7:27 am

    Very true… I wish that people would stop saying that to me. ;-) (Though I do think that a big part of preparing to be a good help-meet is learning to be content where you are. Because I’ve met a lot of young ladies who seem to believe that getting married will magically fix their complaining and discontented spirit.)
    I hope you’re doing well! :-) *Hugs*

    Joys last blog post..What if???

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18. min says:

    May 22, 2009 at 10:03 am

    I think I agree with the gist of your post, but I don’t see where there is COMMAND to get married.

    Could you clarify please?

    [Reply]

    Miss Jocelyn's Reply:
    May 23rd, 2009 at 3:46 pm

    The fact that Adonai created woman to be a help-meet to a man, his wife, is the proof we have that we are to marry. Also take into account that Adonai’s first command to man was to be fruitful and multiply. Adonai’s design for man was to have dominion over the earth, to have a help-meet, and to be fruitful and multiply. Those who do not have the desire to full His commands are acting against His created design for them.

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19. Hannah says:

    May 22, 2009 at 2:45 pm

    Hey Jocelyn!

    tHat was great! I loved reading that post, I agree. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.

    Much Love,
    Hannah Paige

    Hannahs last blog post..Another Birthday

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20. Trisch says:

    May 23, 2009 at 7:31 pm

    Bravo, Jocelyn! I have been hearing sooooo much in the past several years, “But what if God doesn’t have marriage for your daughters?” Or, even worse, “They should get a degree or be prepared to work *just in case* their husband dies or leaves them” and proceed to tell me about someone they know that this happened to.

    I speak as a married woman, who had to learn before meeting my wonderful husband to let God be everything to me and say, IF He wanted me single, then I would be. I wasn’t seeking singleness, by any means! :-D

    All the qualities a young woman would develop for marriage can be used whether she marries or not. THE biggest one, is a servant’s heart (men can learn this, too, but we’re talking about single young ladies here! ; ) I find a lot of the things everyone thinks “young ladies should do while they’re in this season” tend to make them more independently minded, which is nothing we women need any further training in! (And before someone throws darts at me, I didn’t say ALL did, but I will say from what I’ve observed, most of the young ladies I know who have chosen to “be more prepared” have lost some of their sweet servant’s hearts–after all, now it is about YOU getting a degree and YOU getting a job so YOU can finish that schooling and then YOU need to think about a job so you’re not “wasting” YOUR degree….)

    I didn’t finish college and am SO glad I didn’t! I have *never* been tempted to go back and finish so I could get a job. Our desire is to teach our girls skills that first of all, help them be better wives, mothers and homemakers, able to save money by doing things themselves. Then *if*–make that a BIG IF–they ever needed to, they could work from home. I am not an accomplished piano player, but I give beginner piano lessons from our home. I control the schedule (only two days a week, every other week). My studetnts know that if my younger children need me, I will excuse myself to take care of issues. But if it ever became where that would run my life, I would quit teaching.

    Our daughters cook, sew, knit, tat, quilt, groom dogs….: )

    My husband could very easily have been killed in his serious accident he had 4 1/2 years ago, or at least seriously disabled. WHAT would I have done? I feel, should a woman’s husband die or even leave her through divorce, the *last* thing the children need is to also lose their mother–to the work force. The tiredness of working all day then working half into the night at her homemaking and mothering which doesn’t nicely fit in an evening’s time slot.

    What would I have done? I first would have done exactly what you said–cried out to God, the righteous Judge and my Heavenly Provider, and would have sought His wisdom first. Perhaps I would have taken on more piano students. But only after conferring with my Heavenly Bridgegroom. But first, cry out to Him.

    When my husband was hurt and unable to work for months, we received enough money to keep his business going as well as live for the time until he was back to work full time. I am fully convinced that God would have provided more had we have needed more. Maybe He would want us to work for it, maybe He would just show Himself strong. But I would have asked Him first what He wanted me to do!

    We try to figure things out in our own wisdom FAR too much! All the skills a young woman would learn in preparing to be a good help-meet, mother and homemaker are in *high* demand–cleaning, cooking/baking, childcare…..things you can do in the body of Christ even now (after serving at home first!). When we selflessly do those things for where we are in this season, God doesn’t waste it. He is molding and shaping you into a beautiful, Godly young woman that will make a Godly man believe he has received a “good thing” from the Lord!

    Well, I’m getting wordy as usual! ; ) This is dear to my heart because it’s been thrown around–even since I was in college! Quite frankly, I don’t live my life by the “what ifs”! Yes, there is a place to be prepared, but must we always expect the worst?

    Reminds me of Annie, Mrs. Bailey’s servant in “It’s a Wonderful Life”–when she brings her money at the end? “I was savin’ this money for a divorce if ever I got me a husband!”

    Should I homeschool by the “what ifs”? Should I raise my children by the “what ifs”? Or should I trust my Heavenly Father that He, Who sees each sparrow as they fall, will take care of me as I seek His face and obey Him–not what my culture says is “being responsible”!

    And the fact of the matter is….just how many “single for the Lord” women do we really know? Of all the women I know, let’s say over 40, I can only think of two of my acquaintance that never married.

    It isn’t that singleness is a sin, but neither is it to be promoted as something better. And if my daughters are spending time preparing “just in case” they remain or become single, when are they going to prepare to be Godly help-meets, mamas and homemakers?! After you’re married is NOT the time! Ask me how I know! :-D

    Blessings!

    Mrs. Trisch

    [Reply]

    Mother Dear's Reply:
    May 24th, 2009 at 10:56 pm

    I have to publicly say AMEN! my dear friend!
    As I said, I just love you and can only applaud and agree with all you said!
    (((HUGS)))

    ~J

    Mother Dears last blog post..The Torah is for Believers in Jesus

    [Reply]
21. Rachel says:

    May 23, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    Wow! Thank you Jocelyn for this! I have thankfully not believed this lie but I unfortunately still think “what if…? So you have given me a lot to think about and pray about and consider and I thank you for that. =:D I used to have the problem of being on the lookout for my future spouse, but Praise God, I have been able to overcome in this area. =:)

    Blessings and Hugs!
    ~Rachel~

    [Reply]
22. Lisa says:

    May 23, 2009 at 11:35 pm

    So true, especially this statement: “this should not be told to young ladies (11-30) as something to expect.” There will be those women who remain single (I know a few girls who have absolutely no desire to get married), but it’s definitely not the norm. If a girl has a desire for marriage, which most do, then she should prepare for marriage, and that’s not to say she can do other things. I’m working towards a college degree online and spend maybe 3 hours a day, five days a week on school work at the most.

    My grandmother wanted to be a nun (which means a life of singleness), but found it to be lonely, married and had 15 children!

    [Reply]
23. Oriana says:

    May 23, 2009 at 11:55 pm

    What a wonderful post! A lot of people also mention things like that to me when I speak of marriage, saying that I am obsessed. Perhaps I will show them this so they know what it is all about. Thanks so much for this post.

    Have a blessed day,

    Oriana

    Orianas last blog post..Making Snickerdoodles

    [Reply]
24. jenny says:

    May 24, 2009 at 8:45 am

    Amen to Trisch’s comment. I feel I was rather misunderstood in my earlier comment. I was not saying that girls should seek to be single, but rather seek God’s will in all things. It is difficult here in England, as there are so few godly young men! Christian homeschoolers are in the minority, there are only about 2,000 of us, in a country of 60 million!!!
    I do see it pointless when girls train for careers, only to get married, which was God’s will in the first place, although I don’t see anything wrong with them learning skills that will help them in any situation.
    Blessings, from a mother of nine!

    jennys last blog post..Bible in a Year

    [Reply]
25. Trisch says:

    May 24, 2009 at 11:44 pm

    I was rereading Allen’s comment above, and I noticed he said, “The purpose of marriage is to produce Godly offspring”. That is *a* purpose of marriage. The first and foremost purpose is to depict the relationship between Christ and His Bride.

    Paul certainly did sound like he’s saying, “If you can contain yourself, better to get married”, but I can assure you, if some young man wanted to court my daughters, and he told us, “Well, I can’t contain myself, so I would like to marry your daughter”, my husband and I would probably send him packing!

    There is certainly the physical element in the marriage relationship, but if someone thinks that is going to solve all his/her problems, they are in for a big surprise! Marriage will take even more self-control!

    So why did Paul say that? Maybe since he wasn’t married he didn’t know that?!

    Well, I’m not going to go into what I think Paul was thinking as that would be a bit futile. I *will* say that for all the talk in 1 Corinthians 7 about how it’s better to be single (so it would seem he’s saying), there are many, many more instances of Paul talking of marriage. I spent some time last night looking them up!

    In Ephesians 5, he gives one of the most beautiful correlations of how the husband is a picture of Christ our Bridegroom, and the wife is a picture of the Church, the Bride of Christ. And then he goes on to give our respective responsibilities. Whenever a couple gets married, I write in their card, “Remember, focus on YOUR responsibilities and your SPOUSE’S needs.” Too many times we get that backwards! :)

    Again in Colossians 3–it’s general instruction for husbands, wives, children, parents, slaves, masters….but he’s obviously assuming that someone will marry.

    In 1 Timothy 4:3 he expressly warns of false teachers who will, among other things, “forbid to marry”.

    In 1 Timothy 5 he is talking of widows that should and shouldn’t be taken care of by the church, then he makes this statement in verse 14, “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.” I looked up the word for young women, and it means…young women! :) Yes, he could be referring only to young widows, but it seems he is giving instruction to young *women*.

    And then there is that famous Titus 2 passage, where he gives instruction for older women to teach the younger women “to love their husbands”. Again it seems he is assuming that people are getting married, and to my knowledge, nowhere other than that passage in 1 Cor. 7 does he say it’s better to not marry.

    All the instructions for bishops and deacons in 1 Timothy 3 point to being married–husband of one wife, that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection…..

    Yes, we have to be careful we don’t take one verse or even one passage out of context and base some doctrine or even direction on that. By taking these several passages of Paul’s (I’m not even including anything Jesus or Peter said on the subject!), I would believe that he is not saying, “better not to marry”. Can I focus more on Christ if I’m single? Yes and no. No, I wouldn’t have the “care” of pleasing a husband, but Jocelyn is right in saying that a woman would abide in her father’s house. Is she to just spend the day in her room in prayer and adoration? No, she would have responsibilities in the home! She might be serving others in her church or community under her father’s direction. So, quite frankly, whether we are single or not, we still have responsibilities to focus on. A wife or husband has an added “distraction”, but according to what I read in Ephesians, I also have a wonderful opportunity to show the world the beauty and blessing of a relationship to Christ–through my relationship to my husband.

    Not to mention all the extra character development learning to live with someone entails! ; )

    If every Christian living in Paul’s time heeded his “direction” 100%–meaning even those who were married would “live as if they weren’t” (slightly paraphrased), then there would have been NO more children born into the Godly homes. The only Christians from that point on would have been those converted by these believers. I would venture to say they might have been in danger of extinction! Not that God couldn’t have saved people through their witness, but I do not believe that was His plan.

    We are ALL in a “season of singleness” until God brings the one He desires into our lives. During that time we should focus on developing the character of Christ, a servant’s heart, and skills that will help us bless others and someday bless a spouse. Should God not bring someone into our lives, we will not have “wasted” that time learning to serve.

    It would be equally as futile to spend a lot of time dreaming and thinking of when you will be married as it would to think of how much more you could do if only you were single when you ARE married! Too often we want to act like we’re married when we’re single, and single when we’re married!

    Several commentaries have said Paul was referring to the time they were in and the persecutions that were going on. Obviously it would be harder if you had a spouse and children, to watch them suffer with you or because of you. But again, if everyone at that time followed Paul’s instruction, where would we be? Well, we don’t know. It’s obvious to me, by the other passages in Paul’s epistles, that he was not always saying, “It’s better to be as me.”

    Again, I don’t want to be a blog hog and take over Jocelyn’s wonderful points! But it seems there’s a question of “what do we do with this passage?” and “we can’t take a verse or verses that support what we like”. Yes, true. That goes for 1 Cor. 7 as well. In light of Paul’s other passages I quoted and referred to, we would have to take the whole counsel of God’s Word and not just 1 Corinthians 7:7 and 38.

    Certainly this is not a condemnation of those who have not married. It is, however, a challenge to think what we are really saying when we say things like, “But what if you never marry?” (Or even “should we bring children into this wicked world?”–that’s a whole other subject!)

    Just because my daughters “may never marry” does not give them permission to live their lives for themselves. If they don’t marry, they will live at home and serve from there. I’m sure out of 9 children, SOMEONE is going to get married, and how wonderful that they will have several siblings willing to help them!

    My girls are quite content where they are right now in life–not pining for a mate or wishing this season of their life away. Yet they are continuing to learn and perfect those things that will someday bless a husband, and if they never marry as some may ask, I state again that those skills and character qualities will make them beautiful servants of the Lord, whether single or married.

    Sorry so long again! Conciseness never was one of my strong points! :)

    Because of Him~

    Mrs. Trisch

    [Reply]
26. Allen says:

    May 25, 2009 at 1:36 am

    Thank you Trisch that was a very thoughtful response, in fact it has been the best response so far but it still does not quite answer my inquiry but I do appreciate you taking the time to answer. I can not dismiss that verse. My biggest contention though is you gals saying over and over again that IT IS A LIE if you desire to be SINGLE. Or that for some reason being SINGLE is not of GOD because you were created to BE MARRIED. WE live in a fallen world, prior to Adam’s sin things were quite a bit different on this earth. After the fall God spoke this to Eve and said:

    16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

    Gen 3:16 (KJV)

    Now this sounds a great deal like what you gals are all saying. DESIRE for a husband, HE WILL RULE, you will submit. Okay do not throw stones but I being the inquisitive type pause here and wonder. HMM what was their relationship like PRIOR to the fall? And it is from there I get to where I am now. Pondering what Paul knew or what was meant by what he said. I fully understand all the other scriptures as it pertains to the married and single and so forth. But if MARRIAGE was that high on the list of GODLY LIVING and PRIORITIES why did JESUS not marry? I know the answer to that but he did not marry anyone nor give anyone in marriage. It was not on his MINISTRY to do list. It was not one of his ORDAINED duties. :) Poking humor at the clergy. :) So then I said that to say this:

    I will continue to pray over this verse and I trust that God will give me an even greater understanding so that when I do address it again I may actually have something to say about it. :) I must reiterate though that I really felt condemnation toward singles. It sounded like marry or burn in hell, well not quite that bad but I exaggerate to make points. I do not have the reputation for being brief either. :)

    Thanks again Trisch

    Allens last blog post..This Weeks Golden Eagle Award Winner: McKay Hatch

    [Reply]

    Miss Jocelyn's Reply:
    May 25th, 2009 at 2:34 pm

    Mr. Scott
    I do not claim to know it all nor do I think that remaining single is living a lie. What my entire post was about as the lie that girls shouldn’t look forward to or prepare to get married because “it might not be God’s will” when that was His original design. That is all this post was saying. Anything further I said had a Scriptural basis. I am fine to admit that I am wrong and that I don’t know it all, but just because of the one or two instances where Paul, by permission or in present distress, speaks about not worry about remaining single have not convinced me otherwise that GOD meant it to be so as the norm.

    I’ve already mentioned that Yeshua IS betrothed to be married. He IS getting married. He IS NOT single at this time and hasn’t been since the covenant marriage with Israel took place in Egypt. When Yeshua came to earth the first time it was to prepare His Bride and when He returns again He will marry her.

    Thank you for your responses and discussions, but I feel if you would like to take it further on please do so on your own blog.

    [Reply]
27. Martha says:

    May 25, 2009 at 5:02 pm

    Brilliant post and intelligent responses to your readers’ comments :)

    I admit, I was confused when I read 1 Corinthians 7: 6-9 but now I see things more clearer, thanks for explaining it to me!

    <3 Martha

    [Reply]
28. Kirsten Erin says:

    June 4, 2009 at 10:21 pm

    I just thought I’d let you know that I put a link to this post on my ‘Blogoversary Afterparty!’ post on Living Water!

    Kirsten Erins last blog post..Happy Blogoversary to Me!!

    [Reply]
29. Talitha Nun says:

    July 13, 2009 at 8:02 pm

    Hi all,

    I haven’t read through all the comments, but skimming them I have seen a lot of NT, so let me add something from the OT that supports the original article. I posted the same reply to the above question elsewhere, but hope it will be a valuable addition to this discussion too, even if it comes a little late. So here it is:

    Having no children is viewed as a reproach in Scripture (Gen 30:23, Isa 4:1, and compare also Hannah’s situation in 1Sam 1, for example). If you remain unmarried, you will bear this reproach for all your life for according to Yahweh’s Law Word, there is no decent way of having children other than by your husband. (I think we can safely view Mary’s conception of Jesus as an exception that does not contradict the Law.)

    So, if Yahweh did not want you to be married, that would be a bad thing indeed. We know that “The LORD has made everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble.” (Pro 16:4), but who would not wish to view herself in this light.

    In short, marriage is something a God fearing woman should pray for, hope for, prepare well for, and view as a blessed state that is meant to bring more blessings, a state that is to be lived to the glory of Yahweh.

    Grace and Peace,
    Talitha

    [Reply]
30. Talitha Nun says:

    July 13, 2009 at 9:09 pm

    … “but who would not wish to view herself in this light.” – Sorry, “who WOULD wish”, of course. I rephrased this passage and obviously forgot to take out the “not”. Sorry about that.

    Grace and Peace,
    Talitha

    [Reply]
31. Josh says:

    September 10, 2009 at 8:19 pm

    Miss Jocelyn,
    I really enjoyed reading your post. On one hand I do believe that there are some Christians who honestly choose not to be married. There are obviously very legitimate reasons for some Christians not to be married. For example, if someone is doing missionary work in a country that really isn’t safe or there is major persecution of Christians, like China or Egypt, it probably would not be a wise idea to be married. The last thing I would want to do is put my wife and children in harms way (I know that this kind of an extreme example). However, I do not believe that this is the norm. One should not try to force him or herself to be single. That can lead to all sorts of temptations. I also don’t think that it is wise to except that you will be single just because you think that there is no way that you will ever meet someone. I believe that both young men and women should be taught to be preparing for marriage unless you choose to be single because you feel you can serve God better that way.
    .-= Josh´s last blog ..Justified by Faith =-.

    [Reply]

    Miss Jocelyn's Reply:
    September 10th, 2009 at 8:43 pm

    I absolutely agree with you – that goes along the lines of “in present distress”. I don’t know how being a single missionary woman would be obeying 1 Timothy 2, though, as she would be setting herself up as a spiritual authority and I don’t know that I’ve ever heard of a woman-missionary who only taught women.

    [Reply]

    Josh's Reply:
    September 11th, 2009 at 7:43 am

    Miss Jocelyn,
    I agree with you about 1 Timothy 2. When I posted I was thinking more on the lines of a single missionary male. I probably should have cleared that up. Sorry about that.
    .-= Josh´s last blog ..Justified by Faith =-.

    [Reply]

    Miss Jocelyn's Reply:
    September 11th, 2009 at 12:17 pm

    lol No, it’s alright. I understand. : )

    [Reply]
32. Tonya says:

    September 10, 2009 at 11:31 pm

    As a single female who has battled this thought (on both sides) for quite sometime and still holds out hope to meet my “Mr. Right” someday, I’d simply like to applaud you for a job well done in articulating your thoughts and answering comments/questions. In our day and age, it is very easy to be pulled into the worldly view of feminism without even realizing it. Thank you for the words of encouragement…as I will be soon turning 31, this concept continues to be more daunting and yet you (and some of the comments) have reminded me to have FAITH in the LORD – for He is righteous and He will provide. Again thank you. May the Lord be with each one as His paths are sought.

    [Reply]
33. Cattie says:

    April 14, 2010 at 8:13 am

    I just found this, so I’m a bit late commenting, but it is so true and so relevant to my life right now. I think one of the greatest tools of the enemy of our souls is to take a truth and twist it so that it still resembles the truth JUST enough to trap us. Wise people, seeing impatience for marriage in me when I was in high school, told me that I should focus on the Lord and then whatever his will for me, I will be satisfied, because God is enough. That is simple, beautiful truth! But then, somewhere along the line, it seems the enemy has whispered to me, changing the encouragement subtly to something else: “Maybe you’re just not meant to get married.” At times, that thought has caused me to become borderline resentful of God – scared that he would deny me my dreams, and believing what the enemy said, I thought if I didn’t get married, God must be terribly cruel. How messed up is that thought? How damaging it can be when the enemy gets into our heads and starts messing with truth, twisting it around and tempting us to doubt that our God will take good care of us. :(

    I am so guilty of almost idolizing marriage at times, to be honest. But I think that the Lord knows what he’s doing and will bring about the right thing at the right time. Now to just be patient and work on those parts of myself that need to change… ;)

    [Reply]
34. Tracy says:

    July 19, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    VERY wise words for someone of your age, Miss Jocelyn! I am very impressed at how well thought out your post, and your reply comments are. My son would totally agree with all you have written here — he also often gets into this debate with others when he hears them perpetuate that lie. It is very clear in the scriptures that we (both female and male) were created for, and encouraged/commanded to, have spouses and families. Anyone saying different is taking a few lines of scripture out of the context of the entire premise of the Bible.

    [Reply]

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