Inward Modesty Will Show Outwardly
Warning: Gentlemen, please note this is a ladies’ post. Proceed with caution.
I’ve been wanting to post a basic modesty checklist for some time just to encourage ladies down the right path, but it took some researching. Like the Pharisees, one is always subject to fall into legalism because they are just trying to stay away from that “line” in the best way they can. If you feel this checklist is legalistic just remember that this is here to help and guide, not to make rules. I think the bottom line of it all is that if you have inward modesty and femininity of the heart it will show outwardly. For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
THE HEART CHECK:
First thing is to pray and ask Yahveh to show and convict you of any immodesty of the heart. The Scriptures calls us to be pure of heart for they shall see Elohim [God] (Matthew 5:8). See Elohim? I believe this means they shall see, know, understand Elohim and his Word with spiritual understanding because we are of “pure of heart” and nothing clouds our spiritual judgment.
Questions to ask yourself…
- What do my clothes say about my heart? Do they show that I have inward modesty?
- My heart is deceitfully wickedly…. am I following my heart’s intentions when I put on clothes? I am I dressing to be fashionable or to impress others or to get attention?
- Do my clothes reflect Scriptural values of modesty, self-control, and respectable apparel or do they reflect indoctrination of the culture I live in?
- Do my clothes reflect rebellion of the heart?
- Am I trying to identify with Yahveh through my dress or the latest and greatest fashion?
- Have I asked my parents, elderly women, or other godly individuals to evaluate my wardrobe?
- Do my clothes reveal my zeal to seek and please Yahveh or do they reveal that Yahveh and his standards comes after my comfort and lifestyle?
- If I were standing in a crowd of worldly people would I feel embarrassed because I am dressing femininely modest?
- If I were standing in a crowd of worldly people would I stand out or blend in?
I hope the above will really help you if you are having any struggles with listening to Yah in your heart, even if you already dress modestly and femininely. You can also apply this to how you wear make-up and your intentions there.
THE WARDROBE CHECK
When you put something on you should always do a check to see whether it exposes your backside, your lower back, your shoulders, or cleavage. There are also many other things to check. You should check your outfit whether you’re staying home or going out as modesty should be something you display all the time.
Questions to ask yourself…
- When I bend down or over does my shirt scoop down exposing anything? If so, should I change it or can I use a safety-pin on the inside? Or is it indecent for anyone and should be thrown out all together?
- If I wear a button-up shirt can you see anything from the side in between the buttons? If so add a few more buttons or wear an undershirt.
- If I put on a spaghetti-strap, tanktop, halter, or sheer blouse can I…. uh, nothing can help with this. Go back to the closet and throw out the halter and sheer blouse. Most of the time you should be able to wear the sleeveless shirts as undershirts but should not be worn by themselves as they expose too much skin.
- Can I see the lining of my bra through my shirt or by my collar?
- Can you see any part of my midriff when I raise my hands or bend over?
- Can you see any part of my cleavage, bending or not?
- Is my shirt just plain too tight? Does it tuck under or hug my bust? Do the buttons on the front scrunch to give the affect of a tight shirt around my bust? Remember: Your shirts should be tight enough to show you’re a woman, but loose enough to show you’re a lady.
At the bottom…
- Does my midriff show when I bend over? If so, is my skirt just too low? Do I need to change into a longer shirt or pull my skirt up higher? No one can help to look when either your backside or underwear shows when you bend over. Don’t embarrass yourself by wearing something that you may forget to “watch”.
- Can I see my underwear lines through my skirt or pants? If so, it’s too tight. Change into something looser.
- Is my skirt too short? To check, you don’t need to stand up to see if they hit the knees, but sit down. Can someone see above my knees? If so, change, and always remember to cross one leg under the other if you’re a lady.
- Is my skirt too see-through? Stand in front of a light or the sun to see. If so, put a slip on.
- Is my skirt too flamboyant? Does it jingle, sway, or draw too much attention to me? The Scriptures says to be shamefaced (overly modest and shy) as to not draw attention to ourselves in such a way. When we draw attention to ourselves it should be Yahushua’s [Jesus] light and example.
- Do my highheels make my dress or skirt look shorter? If so, grab a different pair. Highheel shoes can be consider “racy” so make sure you’re wearing a modest pair that the heels aren’t too high. My mother only lets us wear no higher than a 2inch heel, though I prefer tennis shoes altogether.
SWIMWEAR
The last time I wore a bathing suit was when I was 14. I wore a two-piece to a church event, and looking back I see how revealing and immodestly tight it was. 
Personally I don’t swim and when I do I wear a skirt with shorts underneath and a tshirt. When you buy or put on a swimsuit make sure that you do the modesty check above. Make sure it doesn’t go above the knees, isn’t too tight, and doesn’t reveal any flesh. If you’re truly concerned about modesty it shouldn’t just be for clothes, but swimsuits, pajamas, exercise clothes, etc. You shouldn’t have double standards for these items.
Before I started reading the Scriptures and finding answers there I was angry that I was made to wear certain clothes. I was displaying modesty and femininity outwardly, but inwardly I was not right with Yahveh nor pure in heart. It truly is freeing when you let go and let Yahveh be in charge of you life. You won’t be ashamed of who you are and he will shine through you.
I hope this modesty check has helped you a great deal. If you feel I have missed anything you’re welcome to let me know so I might add it. Remember that if you have inward modesty and femininity of the heart it will show outwardly.
Also, you’re welcome to link back to this modesty checklist by grabbing the button:
<a href="http://aponderingheart.com/blog/?p=1013"><img src="http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn63/sillydreamer91/feelin%20feminine/graphics/modestychecklist.png" alt="modesty checklist" /></a>
Shalom,
108 Comments | Rules of Engagement | What Are You Talking About??
Posted By Miss Jocelyn Tzahala on October 14, 2008 | Category: Feelin' Feminine, I Follow Yahushua HaMashyiach, Modesty, Ponder Me This
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108 Responses to “Inward Modesty Will Show Outwardly”
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Welcome to A Pondering Heart. Blessings to you in your visit here! This site is owned by a 18yo young lady, Miss Jocelyn who is striving to please Yahweh in everything she does. She is the second eldest daughter of two wonderful parents, sister to seven siblings, and "momma" to beautiful Nubian goats. Currently completing her education and serving Yahweh until she further serves him in marriage and motherhood. In hopes she might encourage ladies in a Scriptural-worldview she shares about her daily life, beliefs, and heart’s ponderings. Here you will find stories from life on the homestead, encouragement, the Scriptures, photography, reviews, giveaways, memes, and much more!
LOVE it Jocelyn!! What a great resource!
I have to admit I burst out laughing at this:
“If I put on a spaghetti-strap, tanktop, halter, or sheer blouse can I…. uh, nothing can help with this. Go back to the closet and throw out the halter and sheer blouse.”
Modesty *is* about the heart first, but, as with all things, what you wear, the ‘looks’ you may give, the way you carry yourself… they are all outward expressions of the inner heart of a woman.
Blessings Sweet Daughter!
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Judith's Reply:
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:12 pm
Hi
Can I share this with the Christian organization I volunteer for. They are needing a checklist to work with but would like to put modest pictures with it? So they can share it with teens?
Judith
Wichita, KS
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Awesome Checklist, Jocelyn! Wow! you really did a great job on this one! I have to so agree that modest is an issue of the heart! I know a girl who wears dresses and loose shirts and skirts, but she is one of the most immodest girls I know because she has a seductive demeanor! Her pictures are always of her looking in a seductive manner. She flirts and carries herself like a girl who doesn’t wear modest clothes! IT IS ALL ABOUT THE HEART!
I did an article about modesty and the heart: http://superangelsblog.com/?p=30
great list! Love you little sister!
Amanda
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I grow more and more impressed w/you by the day (and your sweet sisters! :-))! This was such a great work and it is so clear that you listened to the Lord’s great leading while working on it. Would it be at all acceptable for me to copy this off and use it for school? If not, that’s OK, I’ll send her to your blog, but it would be nice to have it printed off and put into Jenna’s (and Jasper’s) notebook.
I am SO impressed w/the thought and hard work that went into this! You are awesome! Thanks for listening to the Lord and answering the call of obedience to present this.
Blessings from Ohio, Mrs. Wolf<
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I didn’t know that about pantyhose. I either wear “nude” pantyhose or dark colored tights more for warmth than anything, but with my longish skirts I am not sure if they really show much either way. Hmmm. I am really going to pay attention to this detail too.
I can’t stop thinking about my make-up. (not in an obsessing way, just meditatively evaluating if you know what i mean)
Thanks for challenging me.
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Mrs. Wolf –
You’re most welcome to print it off for your girls. I was going to make a printable PDF if you would like to just use that instead? I should have it up shortly!
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Another great post. I think you struck a good balance here. I wish some of the girls and women at our church would read this!
Theresas last blog post..Six Generations
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Thanks for answering my last question :-)
This post was helpful.
“What are my heart’s intentions when I put on clothes? Is it to be fashionable or to impress others or to get attention?”
Unfortunately, it’s to impress others. The clothes that I wear aren’t bad (though, in my attempt to gain attention I may have pushed a bit too far) but the aim is always for people to notice me, and that is wrong, I know. I’ve repented of that, thank the Lord :-)
So now, do you have any advice on how I get my heart attitude right? Deep down somewhere, there’s always the temptation to try something to impress. How do I be sold out on trying impress only God in my clothing?
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Great article Jocelyn……Thanks for sharing
Grandma Starrs last blog post..Simple Woman’s Daybook
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GREAT post Joc!!! I so admire the lady that you are, and you teach not only my girls, but myself as well, in what the Bible says about modesty and other issues pressing up Christians today.
One question though, what are we supposed to wear with skirts if not pantyhose?? I wear skin toned ones, because I didn’t like how the black ones drew attention to my legs, but I don’t think socks and high heals are an option either.
Vickis last blog post..Car Accident
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Hmmm, I had never thought about panty hose being a problem. I know you are dealing with second hand information, but do you have any idea what the issue was with the panty hose? Were the skirts short or were they wearing very tall heels? My skirts are usually almost to my ankles, and I wear nylons in the winter for warmth and so that I can wear my dressy flat shoes. Heels have never been the slightest problem for me as I am 5′11. Interesting to consider.
Just wondering, what is your definition of legalism? I would like to read your take on that issue; maybe in a blog post? :)
By the way, if you would like to respond in just your thread, that would be okay with me. I like how you put a warning at the top for guys, and I don’t want that to be an issue for anyone who may read my blog. :)
~Carrots
Carrotss last blog post..Plies and Tendues
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Ms. Vicki
Aww, thanks. :)
pantyhose…. I think if your skirt is long enough wearing pantyhose should be alright, especially skin-tone. That Point was just to point out that they do draw attention to the legs.
Carrots
I’m not sure if it was either, but even skirts that come to just the knee show quite a bit of leg.
Legalism? Why do you ask that? just wondering too! lol ;)
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Our Pastor’s Wife was JUST speaking about some of this tonight. Thank you Miss Jocelyn!
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Thanks for the checklist! I am new to being a modest gal and I still make mistakes sometimes! What I considered to be modest was STILL not very modest, so I am learning ALL the time, lol. It’s nice to know the guidelines!!
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Excellent! This is a very good reference for girls to use. Thanks!
Vanessas last blog post..The Unseen Teacher ~ Amy Carmichael
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Jocelyn-I am so overjoyed everytime I see a Christian sister not only holding a high standard for herself, but also engouraging others to do so. Thank you so much for your encouraging words! God bless!
~Shannon
Shannon Meiners last blog post..Our Favorite Fall Things (A post from Shannon, Leah, and Josiah)
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I do like this post! :-) I like how you put the warning at the top. I did a post similar to this on my practical purity blog a while back, but I wasn’t as specific because I was afraid that boys might be reading it. I’ll have to remember that I can put a warning at the top! ;-)
We aren’t allowed to wear sheer nylons, however, for girls who want to keep warm, we do wear thick cotton tights in the winter (Got ours at Vermont country store) to church. The guys (dad, grandpa etc) in our family have basically agreed that nylons are ’sexy’, but tights are fine. (And I’m not talking about nylon tights. Cotton tights have a different look to them)
Good job on the post Jocelyn! :-)
Joys last blog post.."Pure" Review and Giveaway
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Hello!
I agree completly, though there is one thing I am not sure of: Is it alright to wear crazy long sock or tights with long pants or a denim skirt? I think it’s alright to look nice, but still modest. My closet os check by my mom and usually go to the mall with her or my grandma, and they tell me if they think something is too tight or shows to much. I am a tanktop fanatic and I wear tanktops under my clothes everyday. I wear high-heeled shoes and I think that they are modest.
*Nichole
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Hahahaha…I like #3 a lot! The heart-check questions were good, too. I sometimes have to struggle to keep fashion in the right place on my priority list. It’s mostly about, “how does God want me to spend my money?” and “is this a worthy investment of what He’s given me?” Thankfully He has given me a lot of grace in this area and I’ve been able to find a good balance.
I sort of made my own checklist but it is pretty similar to this one. I based it off of the Rebelution’s modesty survey that they did last year (it helped me sooooo much!) One thing that I do to check if a top is too low cut is put my hand right under my collarbone. if the top is lower than four fingers under the collarbone, then I won’t wear it. My cut-off for skirts and shorts is about 1/4 of the way up my thigh, but normally the only time I ever get up there is when I’m wearing a swimsuit or something…
And THANK YOU, Jocelyn, for your very sweet comment on my blog. I know neither of us are looking for a quarrel, but I like the way you push me to think and ask questions. You’re probably the only person I really know who is more “conservative” than I am on issues like these, so it’s a really good stretch for me to be on the other end for once. ;) lol
love,
Sylvia
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Great post!
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This is a great post! Thanks for sharing. :)
-Miss Chelsea
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This is really cool MJ! It will be great to print off and hang by my dresser. I like the little icon too…
Well, g2g! Love ya!
-Miss Elizabeth
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this is why I started dressing modestly and not of the world. I used to wear the skin tight jeans and shirts, but I never knew what I was showing outward and that on the inside I needed to change and then the outside would too. I was not right with God and did not have a strong relationship with Him. Dressing modestly has helped me to think about Him more instead of my appearance.
thanks for posting this. Its much needed in our churches today unfortunatly.
Rebecca
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So wonderful. Thank you for such a strong post. I pray that young ladies will hear these words and evaluate themselves. I know that when I began to evaluate myself I was shocked at what I found. I had always considered myself a modest person, then suddenly I noticed immodesty in ways I had never considered. We must hold ourselves accountable. Thank you Miss Jocelyn.
Amy
Amys last blog post..Beauty
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Thanks for a great post! It makes me reevaluate my reasons… I’ll need to do some prayer time on this!
As far as what you said on my blog, I’m totally in agreement. I know exactly where I stand on most things (not all by a long shot:) ) and could defend my reasons, but when it comes to writing… I’m totally lost. I really do enjoy writing, but it is not my strongest point. Thanks again. I’ll pray that God gives you direction as to what you should tackle next!
Blessings from the Highest!!!!
~
Miss Sarah Jeans last blog post..My new signature!
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btw, wearing highheels is probably not something I’d have to fight to give up. I HATE it when I twist my ankles in those things! I always have flipflops in the car so that I can change right after church!
Ha Ha! :P
Miss Sarah Jeans last blog post..My new signature!
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Oh, that is really great. Thank you so much for sharing that will all of us. I think it’s hard for a lot of young ladies (even me) to fully understand what’s truly modest. I’m going to have to print this out!
Thank you for all your sweet comments. I’m glad to be home again! And now I need to post again…
Hugs!
~Nikki
Nikkis last blog post..The weather fell. Well, it’s Fall anyway.
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Miss Jocelyn-
I agree, but I was wondering if there’s anything wrong with Skinny Jeans and a loose shirt. The style right now is Skinny Jeans with a tight shirt. I think they look modest and nice. Also, what about crazy long socks and tights?
*Nichole
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Oh, I meant that Skinny Jeans and a loose shirt is modest and nice.
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I used to dress very imodestly. :(
One thing that makes me sorta upset is if we are trying to fellowship and one of the girls/women is wearing something low-cut. I’m 5′6″ and if *I* can see it, my 6′2″ husband can see even more. :(
I even know a missionary’s wife that is always, em, ’spilling’ out. It really makes me uncomfortable though she is a very sweet, godly woman. I just wish she realized how tempting she is to other people.
This was a great post. :)
Ashleys last blog post..Baby Thoughts & Photos
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Nichole Re-read your comment, may help to answer your question. “The style right now is”. I don’t think skinny jeans are modest or feminine. Too much form.
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I had one comment on the pantyhose issue….I do not like wearing them anyway…but …a couple of years ago we had a discussion at church about wearing them when we were on stage. The pastor said YES…all woman should wear them especially if your dress is just below the knee. He said men are drawn to bare skin much more than they are to pantyhose. I was amazed I thought why…wouldn’t pantyhose shape a woman better? So I asked a few other men their opinion including my husband and they said the same thing. I guess it just depends on the “man” in question. My point is this ~ if we would dress appropriately…IE wearing clothing that covers us adequately that we are not showing too much skin I don’t think men would have near the problem! By not showing too much skin I mean…in keeping with what you have written above Joc…very good post
Love you,
AJ
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Thank you so much for this post! I needed to be reminded of this! For me this is one of those issues that I know what the right thing to do is but when I get up in the morning it is always a new battle for me. I heard that you are making a print out version of this ( is that ture?) if so I am really looking forward to that so I can post it on my bedroom wall!
Love ya!
~Ellie
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A wonderful post, Miss Jocelyn. I agree with most of your standards and most of your points. There is one tiny point I do disagree with, number 5 I believe of your wardrobe check at the bottom.
Here you say: “Really try to stay away from flamboyant skirts with tassels and “gyps” affects. The Bible says to be shamefaced (overly modest and shy) as to not draw attention to ourselves.”
One of my favorite bible passages is proverbs 31. In there you see this description of the famous proverbs 31 woman, which many hold to be one of the descriptions of ideal biblical womanhood: “21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.” Neither scarlet nor purple are or were in those days colours that do not draw attention. These colours were standing out as both bright and opulent. I am not saying that we need to make a spectacle of ourselves in our clothing or chose a dress specifically to stand out (although we actually often stand out by chosing to wear modest dress) but I believe that women who chose modest dress have an extra obligation to show the beauty and joy of the Lord, which can include bright colours, tassels (unless they are attached to your hips and atract attention specifically to your pelvic region or are otherwise designed to atract sensual attention).
I loved your post, but I do think that one point might be worded even better, based on my interpretation of our biblical mandate for both modesty and joyous femininity.
Eva/ faerieevas last blog post..Who is to blame? Everyone has butter on their head for the financial crisis…
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Miss Jocelyn,
Thanks so much for this article! I totally agree with you that modesty is an issue of the heart!! What’s inside is going to be revealed on the outside. I’d just like to add one suggestion to check and see if your skirt is sheer. (One of my friends showed me this.) Just put your skirt over your head, and hold it up to a lamp or window. If you can see through it, then you need a slip. I also agree with you that high heels can make a skirt look shorter. I’ve put on a shorter skirt before, put on a pair of high heels, and noticed that it made my skirt look a lot shorter than it really was. Got to be careful with those high heels!
One question though. You think that we shouldn’t wear pantyhose? I read on the Modesty Survey that most guys didn’t have a problem with them. The nude color ones just look like skin.
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Great post! I just did one on modesty (it’s under “Lessons: Modesty” on my blog if you want to check it out, you have to click the tag on the sidebar to get at it though)
Blessings!
Toria
Torias last blog post..Welcome to Pure Little Ladies Ministry
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Also, on swimwear:
There’s a great site called http://www.wholesomewear.com/ and they have very modest suits. I have mine from http://www.swimmodest.com/ although I probably will not buy from them again; they are on the “tight” side and I don’t really like it. WholesomeWear is much better and many of my friends have suits from them and like them a lot!!
Blessings,
Toria
Torias last blog post..Welcome to Pure Little Ladies Ministry
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Hey!
I have a Tamanu Sun swimwear and they are so modest!
*Nichole
:)
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Nichole – I’ve tried to email you about your questions but you’re not using a valid email. Please email me if you’d like to hear my reply.
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Thanks for the responses about the pntyhose/nylon discussion. I will probably continue to wear them as my skirts are pretty long, so people can’t see much anyway. I’ve never really been tempted to wear shorter skirts. I have very pale skin (my mom and I joke that it is blindingly fish-belly white :))so, I don’t have the slightest desire to show them off! :)
The legalism question is because that term gets thrown around so much that I am never sure what an individual speaker means when they use it. Opinions seem to range from “A true christian can’t be legalistic” to “any rules, whatsoever, and you are being legalistic”. So, I guess that is why I asked. ;)
~Carots
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I always love reading your blog.
You do a wonderful job.
Be encouraged :)
I even stumbled you.
But, couldn’t find a stumble title that sounded exactly right. So I put it under teen-life. Hope that’s ok.
Blessings,
Mrs. Michelle
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Thanks Jocelyn! Often it depends on how a garment is worn. For example, I would never wear a spaghetti-strap alone, but I almost always wear them under another shirt for warmth and modesty.
-Maria
Maria Paulines last blog post..Captured in Time
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Wow, all girls need to have this concept.great post it was very encouraging.Keep it up!
Blessings Through Christ,
Katy
Katys last blog post..My Girlhood
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Hi,
I think this is a great checklist…BUT, I think that since you have already said that modesty is a heart issue (which I agree with) then you will know what is modest and what isn’t. Sometimes God uses other people to bring to our attention that what we are wearing isn’t glorifying to him, but I don’t think we should be legalistic about it. Also, someone who has an immodest heart attitude can wear something completely modest, but STILL look immodest. It’s the way you wear it and the attitude you wear it with. But anyways, I do think it’s good to have guidlines :)
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Very good article, I would add one thing, most men are taller than women, so even if your blouse looks ok to you in the mirror, hold a mirror up higher than your height and look. You or ask someone taller. You might be showing cleavage unintentionally.
very nice blog by the way :)
blessings, Penny Raine
http://pennyraine.com/blog
Penny Raines last blog post..jalapenos
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OK, now I have looked around and I must say I LOVE your blog! And you are such a sweet young girl! May the Lord bless you!
blessings, Penny Raine
http://pennyraine.com/blog
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I know everyone has told you this a million times, but I’ve got to make it a million and one, so – great post! Us ladies really do have to be so careful, especially with every thing that’s “in” right now.
I did want to add a little something, and I’m sure many of you have experienced this just as I have. Some things that pass the test when you’re standing in front of the mirror, look “just like that one outfit I have”, or even pass the test of Mom, might be surprisingly a “no no” from your father. I have had some times where I put on something that seems modest (normally it’s new, or with paired with a different article of clothing than I usually wear with it), and sooner than later am in my room changing again. It’s really hard at times like those to not have a bad attitude, so I’ve sort of taught myself to always think of my dad as part of my mental modesty checklist.
If I buy something new (or new-from-the-thrift-store :), and wear for the first time, I always make sure my dad notices it by saying something like, “How do you like my new shirt?” or, “I just got this outfit yesterday.” That helps me remember he is the head of my modesty checklist, and it ensures that my outfit passes the last check on my list!
Thanks for this post, Miss Jocelyn. It’s such and encouragement to see other ladies trying they’re best to be feminine and modest, and trying to encourage other ladies to too!
Serenity
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Miss Jocelyn, Lady Jess asked me to reread some things and I indeed wanted to comment again about the pantyhose. In our church wearing hose is a requirement for serving as a Sunday School Teacher or Choir member. Yet when you wear a proper length dress/skirt the hose look professional. Also some women my age have spider veins and we certainly don’t want to scare you with those. ;O)
There are also single women who have chosen to remain single and serve the Lord as a church secretary that are required to wear hose in the office. It’s just professional all around.
I can see your POV on this if women are wearing hose that draw attention, such as those with prints on them or fishnet. Also if their skirts are too short to begin with, hose or not, the leg is attracting to a man.
Although many will not agree with your standards, they are an excellent gauge to dress by.
Sisterlisas last blog post..Protect Marriage, Vote, and PRAY!
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Yes, I understand what you’re saying SL, and I do think many of you have the right idea about pantyhose. I just put that in there for something to think about and not necessarily and a “Don’t”. For the record I do wear skin-tone pantyhose. :)
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To Joy: What are nylon tights? I live down in FL and nobody at least to my observation wears tights any more. The exception is for ballet dancers and ice skaters. I understand stockings in Vermont. I’ll die if the degrees is anywhere under 32. What would be the reason that anyone would wear tights except for warmth? I definitely agree with C. S. Lewis’s idea in Mere Christianity that modesty standers could be a culture thing to some extent. Living near the city, where I am going and who I am going to be around makes a huge difference in what I am going to wear. I would dress more casually in church then I would go to lets say shopping in Hyde Park or International Mall. My church environment is very casual and relaxed. I would make more of intent to dress modestly with a group on home school families vs. going out to eat. Lastly why do you girls care if you live up to other girl’s standards of modesty? If I ever saw one of my friends wearing something I deemed questionable it is simply none of my business. Knowing my friends’ family I know that it must be something their father or mother approves of. It is what God personally convicts you of. Who are you to judge whether something is modest or not. Do it for yourself and not for the other girls. Let their parents’ judge for themselves. I realized that fathers also have a different opinion on what they deem is modest vs. what is not. Normally my skirts only reach my knees, no longer and no shorter. Recently a bought a skirt that went down to mid calf and my father commented on how long it was and wondered why I bought it. Were as other fathers I know would have probably wanted their daughters skirt to be longer. By the way I am seventeen.
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Hi Mae:
Certainly you have heard in the Bible that we are to admonish one another and spur one another on in the LORD. For women and young ladies who live in this se*ualized and sin-sick culture that has so deeply ingrained itself into the Church and the families, that means other bible-believing modest, chaste and wholesome Christian young ladies and “the older women” are to present the WORD in the manner that my daughter Jocelyn has to those who are seeking to live as the WORD tell us to.
Certainly you know or have hear of parents who buy drugs, cigarettes or take their daughters to abortion clinics, even in the Christian realm. There are parents who have no problems with their children having a physical relationship with another out of wedlock, and we cannot just chalk that up to “Accept it, it is what their parents allow.”
As Believers and young ladies who are striving to “Be ye holy as I am holy” and NOT causing a fellow Christian young man to stumble, you certainly cannot stand on the pulpit and preach that we need to ignore it all and let our friends run headlong into sin.
If you choose to not agree that this type of post aligns with the WORD, that is fine, but you will find few here at A Pondering Heart who agree with you.
As for this statement:
If you are following your parents or the standard of modesty ‘your church approves’, then you are already following someone else’s standards. I don’t think the entire point is that they care what another girl’s standard is. What you are missing here is that these commenters are all a part of a circle of friends who met in blogland and have come together in the LORD and pursuit of the high calling of being the women the Bible tells them is holy. They are loving and admonishing each other in the WORD and gentleness, not trying to make another conform to their ideals and beliefs.
By the way, I am 40. I have 8 children, my oldest is almost 19, and I have known the LORD for 20 years.
Sincerely, Mrs. Dixon
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Thanks for sharing this with us! This is something I have always struggled with as a girl (and now I’m a mom). I grew up forced to dress in skirts and very modest wear, but never “got it” spiritually until much later in life. I think its very important, as a mother, for me to remind myself and explain to my daughters WHY we need to dress modestly.
I have to admit, around the house, Im not very modest, but maybe becoming more modest around the house will help me even more so when I’m outside!
Mandy Moms last blog post..And I feel like crying…
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Big fan of very long skirts, knee socks and clogs myself. I’ve always thought of pantyhose (the non-shimmery, skin-tone kind) as more modest than bare skin because I feel covered up. Now I’ll have to ask my husband… (not generally a concern what with those long skirts). How much more pleasant being out among people would be if more girls and women followed these guidelines for modesty!
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My legs are white. I like nylons for several reasons: they give me some color, they are warm, my slip does not stick to them, they do show at times when I sit, if my skirt is just below the knee, they slip into shoes and boots with ease. I prefer thy top stockings to pantyhose.
I love wearing a skirt all the time. Being true to my challenge, I happpily wear a skirt in every situation. I have to admit, that I have been in places where pants would have been more appropriate, but do keep my promise of “always”. I dont own a pair of pants (for the last 3 years) and am very happy with that decision. I have gone skiing and decided that “always” does not include the ski slopes.
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Wow! Nice work and great checklist. Way to Go!
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Well, I asked my husband, and sure enough–he thinks bare skin (with skirt of appropriate length!) is more modest than nylons…I would have never guessed.
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Loved this, Jocelyn. Excellent guidelines…I’ll be bookmarking this to share with my dd over the next few years.
It is indeed a fine line between rules and legalism…I attended a Christian college, which in the interest of not being legalistic, had a dress code which simply said that clothing should be “modest”. Unfortunately, this resulted in some hurt feelings and unfair disciplinary situations because one person’s definition of modest was different than another’s. So rules aren’t all bad and are sometimes necessary.
In response to Mae, I’d much rather see young ladies concerned about conforming to one another’s high standards of modesty than conforming to one another’s lack of modesty! After all, we are to “spur one another on to love and good works!” and the good opinion of Christian friends is excellent motivation!
Another consideration that doesn’t often cross people’s minds: if you are going to be standing on a stage or platform, check to see if your skirt is long enough (knee-length can be quite revealing when you are up above everyone else!) And likewise, if you are going to be standing below a stage or platform (ahem…including an altar rail for prayer or communion), check your blouse/neckline!
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Hi, I came across your blog through Ladies Against Feminism.
It can be hard to do a wardrobe purge when first beginning to try to dress modestly, if your clothing situation is bad. That’s probably the only time I would suggest having a trusted, godly friend (or preferably mother) help you with deciding what to keep and what to toss.
Otherwise, I find lists of “rules” for modesty frustrating, because invariably there’s something that we all get stuck on. And it’s usually a question of, “Is it a stumbling block for men?” With this one, it’s the pantyhose issue, but it can be skirts vs. pants, short sleeves, one time it was collarbones! We’re getting conflicting answers from the men, so ladies, I leave these matters to your discretion. I think Satan uses these little things to distract us. There will always be some man who could potentially be tempted, even if you’re wearing a burqa. *I am NOT saying modesty doesn’t matter!* Just that sometimes we can get carried away.
That said, I do appreciate your effort to honor God in your way of dressing. I try to do the same thing myself. But I really do feel that once you have gained an awareness and respect for your body as a temple of the Holy Spirit, and have cultivated the virtue of purity, you wouldn’t have anything scandalous in your closet anymore anyway. The goal is for modesty to simply become a way of life. Being overly concerned with dress, even if it is modest, is how we fall into vanity. And asking your friends, family, guy friends, etc. to critique your wardrobe is mighty close to the “overly concerned” line.
Pray for PURITY every day, and modesty will come as a corollary virtue. I hope my post made sense, and God bless you all!
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Great list, Jocelyn! I’m going to give it to my husband to see if he approves, and if so, we’ll give it to our daughter. Modesty is definitely an issue of the heart, as well as clothes.
I do agree with Miss Serenity that you really need a dad’s perspective on what is modest or not. No one can totally understand what goes through a young man’s mind but another man.
As for high heels, I personally think they are very immodest. There really isn’t any reason to wear them except to either be taller than you are, or to gain a certain effect. They are horrible for your feet, knees, and hips.
Valeries last blog post..Navigating my Site
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That was very good! *claps hands* I try to modest in my dress, but I am not very modest inwardly though :( You helped me out quite a bit, thatnk you very much!
Arianna Joys last blog post..In Christ Alone
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Hi Jocelyn! Wow! You put into words just what I have been trying to say on our blog! I put the linky thing on our blog, thanks a lot!
Rachel
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Hey Jocelen!!
Just wanted to say this post was great! but there are some things I don’t agree with:
#1 I don’t think pantyhose draw attention to the legs if you are not wearing a knee high skirt i wear pantyhose all the time and my mother says they are better if you want to stay covered but cool in the summer.
#2 If I am not around and men, and Iam swimming in my pool alone, I think that a regular bathing suit is ok, but this up coming summer, I am going to buy a swimsuit called the “swim modest” swim wear it is like a top and a mini skirt combined and it is very modest and not extremly tight.
Everything else was great,and being modest is definitly about the heart!
Rachel Bunk
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I have a question…….what about makeup. I have been struggling with this for years! I’m not sure whether I should wear it, and I am not sure what others think about it. Jocelyn, e-mail me with your reply. Also, what does your mother believe on this topic. And hair……what is the most modest thing to do to you hair as to not draw attention to ones self. I have the dressing part down…..just the hair and makeup give me a difficult time. Thanks!
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Emily Ruthann's Reply:
February 8th, 2010 at 3:34 pm
Hey Lindsey!
If you would, could you or Joselyn give me a copy of Joselyn’s answer to you about makeup and hair? That would be great!
~Emily
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Good post to get everyone thinking… I recently was convicted in my heart in regards to my clothing and the motives behind what I wore. God led me to do a major closet overhaul where I ended up getting rid of most of my clothes! My journey to modesty began about a month ago you can read about what God is teaching me on this issue at:
http://makingJesusmypearl.blogspot.com
Making an external change in obedience to God’s stirring has brought about great internal change.
It’s nice to know there are so many other Christian ladies that God is also convicting & leading in this area.
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Miss Jocelyn,
I am so glad that I was led to your post. I have been struggling with this for a very long time. You hit it right on. I didn’t and couldn’t understand why i feel so far away from God even though I have been redeemed. It has to do with the way I dress. I like my jeans and honestly they don’t glorify God. Believe it or not this is helping me just by talking about it. My eyes Jocelyn have been everywhere trying to see where I fit in what is okay to wear and what is not. God has shown me twice i disregarded it and I did my own thing. I have never fit in with other people and now I know I never will. I know that as long as I am pleasing my Lord Jesus that is all the comfort I need.I delt with this issue since the begining of the school year as I have begun to homeschool my two children. I know that I am doing the right thing with it. We started to go around Amish ville in Indiana. They are set apart while I looked like everyone else. It started me thinking. Then I checked out some modesty sites online.I started wearing scarfs on my head. That was so not me but I can tell you that in all my days that I have never been called maam. It was a respect and I truly felt like a lady. I struggled in my prayer life and openly sharing my faith. If I dress this way to me I better have what it takes to back up my apparel. For instance if there is someone that is in a wheelchair with a broken leg shouldn’t I go up and pray for them? I felt guilty here I was professing to showthat hey I’m different but couldn’t go all the way.
Maybe I am just being hard on myself. The Lord has shown me scripture about it it is found in the New Testament that mercy triumps judgement. I was so relieved to see this because I was truly hard on everyone. After reading your post I went to bed last night and I felt a peace that God has something in store for me or that He’s got this. Finally the right things are bothering me I could just cry tears of joy Thank you God for this dear girl whom you used to help open my eyes to you. Jocelyn thank you for your obedience and I am truly glad to have met you.
I definately could use wise friends like you. You are the first besides Jesus. Karen
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Great post, and very encouraging to see matters of the heart addressed first. The details of modesty will follow when a heart seeks to please God.
One thing I seldom see mentioned when it comes to modesty is wearing a bra with a lining, so when it’s cold and one’s…. uhm… high beams come on, the effect is diminished, as this is as distracting to a man as cleavage, if not more, since men associate… high beams…with sexual arousal, and not simply the temperature of a room.
I hope that was discreet enough. ;)
My dh prefers me to wear hose or tights, but my skirts always long as well. He also can’t stand high heels- in his opinion the only purpose for high heels is to make a woman’s hips sway when she walks. So in spite of the fact that I am all of 5′2″, I wear flats. :D
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This is the first time I’ve visited this website and just love it:-) keep up the good work, it’s so needed…
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I enjoyed reading your Wardrobe Checklist. You have some good suggestions, but one thing…I don’t see how pantyhose is immodest. It covers you up!??! It may draw attention if worn in contrast, like hot pink or something, but I wouldn’t wear a (dressy) black skirt w/o it. It can add dressiness and class.
Also, swimwear…. I’ve found that Land’s End has some very nice suits.
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Loved your checklist! However, I do have to disagree with your comments about hosiery. I’ve been dressing modestly, dresses and skirts only, for several months now and my dear grandmother has been a huge help in setting me on a path of proper, ladylike dressing. I asked her about hose and she said wearing it was a must for modesty’s sake. She also said when she was my age, a lady would never even think about going out of her home without wearing stockings. She said a girl who did would be thought of as cheap and immodest. Of course, that was 50 years ago, but still I will have to respectfully disagree with you on this point and will continue to wear hose. The rest of your list is 100% right, though.
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Modesty is a gift from God. With the fallen nature of man,lust is everywhere. As an attractive woman I do not want to entice men and for a man it doesn’t take much. Unsaved men are dangerous and do we really want to be the devils tool and bring down a man of God. I wear my clothes loose and my hair done plain and there are no pretty shoes on my feet. I do not even wear jewelry and God has planted on my head such peace,and no one turns their head when I walk by,but this is where I am,you do what your heart tells you.
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I LOVE THE BUTTON for us to put on our blogs!! Thanks a ton! God bless you sis and keep doing the work of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Whitney
http://howdeeplyineedyou.blogspot.com
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What about ballet suits? Has any one seen one? I often feel uncomfortable in it.
HELP!
Abigails last blog post..Slaves
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I Absolutely agree …Black Tights should not be worn,especially those opaque ones, Many young women in class had taken to wearing the Thick Black 90 denier!!!! opaque Nylons..however i have asked for them to be donated to me..these Tights will be Burned ..i now have 1 huge Bin Bag full of Thick Black Nylon opaque Tights that i shall put in the incinerator.
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God bless you real good young lady! I guess for some it sounds funny but I am a 48 year old grandmother and for a few years now I’ve been struggling with this very issue! I am wearing my very last pair of loose fitting jeans. I have several jumpers cut out on my ironing board right now. When I have enough for one week I’m burning the jeans as a symbol of freedom and obedience to Jesus. And I will never wear pants again! You have settled my heart, quoted my inner arguments, and given me that “last time to consider it ever again.” It is settled – forever. I love you girl!
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“If I put on a spaghetti-strap, tanktop, halter, or sheer blouse can I…. uh, nothing can help with this. Go back to the closet and throw out the halter and sheer blouse.”
There’s plenty that can be done with these. My wardrobe is chock full of thin, spaghetti-strap or otherwise not-fit-to-be-seen-in-by-themselves clothes that one simply needs to be creative with. Spaghetti straps are my essential for layering, long sleeve shells that are normally a little too thin to be worn on their own can go under the sheer blouse, halters or tops with thin straps over a shell… the possibilities are endless! Just because one can not wear it “as is” doesn’t mean it needs to be thrown out.
Frankly I think the nylon thing is ridiculous, and sounds like it is coming from men who have been trained to find absolutely everything immodest about a woman’s outfit as they can. That ludicrous “eye-trap” exercise does nothing more that make one see everything in its potentially se*ualzed light. Not too long ago, it was incredibly immodest to leave the house in a skirt without nylons. I used to scandalize my southern Grandmother by showing up in church in a skirt but no hose on. Now, fish net stockings or hose with patterns woven in to them may be questionable, and in my opinion a little tacky, but a pair of panty hose on a woman who has on a calf length or longer skirt? What is there to see?! Ankles?!
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Miss Jocelyn's Reply:
April 21st, 2009 at 2:08 pm
I really put the pantyhose note on there as a note and something to consider. The whole subject came up when the men at a church were asked if the black-nylons caused any distraction. It wasn’t a “eye-trap” exercise, but obviously it was an eye-trap for some.
Really there is nothing to see as far as midcalf or ankle… the whole thought (joke) about “don’t show your ankle” it kinda silly. I don’t think anyone thinks that.
A lot of people have gotten offended or upset about the pantyhose. Out of the whole thing they agree with they must let me know that is something they don’t. That’s fine. Doesn’t make a difference to me. This was just a checklist to consider. Not a standard to uphold, though I think a lot of it should be. How we conduct and present ourselves is to each his own and I am going to be concerned about my modesty and encourage others to do the same.
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Great list. I had this talk with each of my girls several times and now they are having the talk with their girls. Many times young girls have no idea how sexy “cute” clothes can be.
Robin Sampsons last blog post..Replacement Theology is Anti-Semitism
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Nice, well though out list for modesty.
Be careful how much authority you give to others over your clothing choices. Just look to other cultures to see how asinine things can get where women are forced to cover all but their eyes to “prevent” the men from being tempted. Men are going to be tempted as long as women exist. You don’t have to do anything or show anything and a man will be tempted.
You will not please 100% of the people. You only need to please God. I guarantee that you can settle the modesty issue between God and yourself and someone will still complain. Pantyhose is not a hill to die on.
Anne-Maries last blog post..The Urge to Purge
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My fellow on Facebook shared this link with me and I’m not dissapointed that I came to your blog.
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I just happened upon your website by accident, and I am glad I did! I grew up with these standards of dress and in the last few years, I have strayed away from them. Not totally as I still wear skirts most of the time. But I have let them get shorter and have been wearing pants every now and then. I am going to try wearing skirts all the time. I have also been putting my daughter in a lot of pants, and even though I feel bad about it sometimes, I still do it! I am going to put her back into skirts because I was just thinking what kind of sick people are in our world today and I don’t want NOBODY looking at her in the wrong way. Thank you for such a helpful blog and I look forward to seeing you blogs in the future.
BTW- Have you thought of writing a book and getting it published for teenage girls? You could probably find a conservitive christian press that would print it. I believe that young girls need to read this and maybe a book would help those that don’t have internet access.
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Wow, Jocelyn! I love this article! Girls really have to be careful about what they wear. It is hard, I know, but we still have to do it. My sisters and I just recently decided to wear long skirts only, no more shorts, pants, short skirts, etc. It is so hard to find clothing that is appropriate now days, but my sisters and I wear under shirts under most of our tops, that helps a lot. It is amazing the way people treat us in a nice and different (in a good way) manner, because we are dressed modestly and we look feminine. Thank you for posting this on your site for other girls to read, it is very encouraging to see other girls and women of faith. Though my blog is not “open” yet (I’m still working on a few things), I put the link to this article on my blog. Thank you for being part of the “great cloud of witnesses” (Hebrews 12).
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Just happppened to pop by…
I don’t mean anything, however I feel its a little over done. Yes, I’ve had a sermon dedicated to this, however I don’t quite see a point with wearing extra or longer shorts. The weather is really hot! Especially since I live in Singapore. Its about 30 degrees celcius on average and goes up to 33 on certain days. My church banned skinny jeans.. but we generally don’t get caught when we wear.. And whats wrong with wearing shorts? I don’t quite understand tt part. Generally the length of school shorts ( for PE) is about mid thigh, or just enough to cover your bottom… so yea. Anyways, thanks for your post, its been an EYEOPENER for myself.
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What a much needed word for today’s average young ladies! I have added your checklist on my blog!
Glenys Hickss last blog post..A Little Bit Of What You Fancy
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Miss Jocelyn,
I stumbled upon a link to this and decided to take a look. Bravo. You, and all your readers should know that there are single young men out there like myself that find modesty infinitely more attractive than immodesty and musings such as yours brings us hope that we will someday find a young woman to marry that cares more about how God views her, than how man views her. To us, and there are many more like me, true beauty, inward beauty accompanied by outward modesty and a gentle and quite spirit, is far more attractive than a flaunted figure. May God bless you with a man worthy of you.
Resting in Him,
Stephen
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Just wanted to add one more thing that might be a good addition to the list (I was browsing you blog and found this post, so I’m a little late, but late is better than never, right?)
I’ve found that words or images across the chest is extremely distracting. People want to know what is says or what it is and if it is across the chest, it really draws attention there. If it is distracting for me, a girl, how much more distracting it must be for a man? Thanks for this post – very well said!
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What a wonderful post! Thank you for sharing this! A reminder that I needed to hear!
Rejoicing in His Love,
Anna
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Hi, I happened to come upon your website today. I really enjoyed your checklist. God’s been doing some awesome things in my heart over the last month, and He’s really led me to radically change my wardrobe. There hasn’t been much talk about modesty in my church until God started moving on my heart. I recently lost over 50 lbs. after my 2nd child, and had to go shopping. Jeans are considered “appropriate” for many in my church, there’s not many who wear skirts. So, I went and I bought a couple of pairs of jeans. I wasn’t raised in a Christian home where modesty was demonstrated, thank God for the Holy Spirit. I went to a MOPS meeting where what I wore was completely comparable to most of the moms there, but afterwards, I met with a small group of homeschooling ladies to let our kids play at the park. My husband and I homeschool as well. Most of the ladies were very modestly dressed in longer skirts, although one ladies skirt may as well have been tight jeans…but I started feeling very uncomfortable…then one of the ladies husband’s showed up, and I just wanted to get out of there very quickly. My eyes were opened to the stumbling block I had never intended to become. My jeans weren’t tight, but they fit, and they showed more than I realized without my eyes being opened to the truth. Before my husband and I could even discuss it, church came around, and the time for testimonies came up. God was on me so much that my heart started racing, my palms got sweaty, and I knew I was suppossed to go up there. So, because I love Him so much, I obeyed. I told them my story, and told them how dirty I felt, and repented to all my brothers in Christ. Needless to say, I was a crying mess. I promised that every day I will look in the mirror and ask God what He thought about my dress because only His opinion mattered anymore.
After my testimony, many girls were affected and convicted, many men were grateful, and I believe the door opened for God to move even more in this area.
Thank you for sharing your list, as we’re all on our own journeys seeking to obey our King.
God bless you.
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Hi
Nice list, very thorough. Thanks! I have a comment on one of the checklist items: what about using sheer tops, tank tops, spaghetti straps, etc., for layering? I think layers are probably the BEST modesty tactic we have…you can turn what is potentially an immodest top by itself into something perfectly modest and feminine by wearing stuff under or over it. Plus, sheer tops in particular often have very pretty sleeve and collar detailing that it would be a shame to let go to waste! You could pair a sheer top with a modest sweater to allow the feminine details to peek out without it being immodest. Just an idea, I know not everyone will agree.
Also, I was wondering if you had any specific tips for modesty in hot weather? I live in Australia and our summers can get VERY uncomfortable (it’s winter at the moment but I’m looking forward a few months and I forsee difficulty with my wardrobe). Layering in summer months is pretty much not an option (sweat! ew) and I want to still be able to look nice while not being immodest. It gets very tempting to abandon modesty in favour of comfort on the really hot days (not every day, just the odd heat-wave week here and there where even a tshirt feels like too much). So yeah if you or anyone knows how to stay modest AND cool in summer, let me know!
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Miss Jocelyn's Reply:
June 20th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Dear Bec
Thanks for your comment. I think the layering idea is a great way to be modest and use whatever you have in your closet.
I know it can be tempting to just strip down to the bare-minimal when you’re hot, but this is where the line between your devotion to the LORD or to your own comfort comes in. I know it doesn’t get near as hot here then in Down Under, but wearing lighter materials, pulling back your hair, wearing sun-hats, and drinking lots of water help keep your body cooler. Do you wear skirts? They are actually a great way to keep cooler in the summer and warmer in the winter. :)
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I agree with Jocelyn that skirts, or light material dresses, are sooooo much cooler than shorts or pants to me. In fact, I try to wear dresses in the summer as much as possible, or sundresses with short sleeves. And believe me, in the South USA, it gets quite hot and humid. Yuck. I’m very thankful for air conditioning.
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Thanks for the advice ladies! Yes skirts are a good strategy for summer…I’ve found that a long really flowing skirt in a light material is the best (when you twirl around it should billow around you)…it feels like you’re not wearing much but you’re staying covered up which is a plus. I think the fabric is probably the key thing…no artificial fibres or dark colours. What do you think about sleeveless things? I admit to wearing them when it gets really hot, I stick to the most modest tank tops I can find (as in pretty much just a tshirt without sleeves, no skinny straps or anything). I don’t know though, it doesn’t seem as modest as wearing sleeves but it is sometimes more practical. The solution I came up with was to wear a flowy kaftan sort of garment (don’t know what they’re called? Poncho?) over the sleeveless top – your shoulders are still covered but it’s less restricting than a shirt and you get more air flow that way. And if all else fails just stay inside and praise the Lord for air conditioning ;)
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Miss Jocelyn's Reply:
June 21st, 2009 at 2:35 am
I personally think that sleeveless shirts show too much skin, but throwing some sort of poncho over them would be an excellent way to be modest and keep cool…. hahah, yes, PTL for air conditioning. Thanks for commenting. I am glad to be able to civilly discuss this with you all!
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Dear Jocelyn,
Thank you so much for this post! It is impossible to please everyone. However, that is far from your motive of sharing this, as it is the Lord you strive to please. I have 15 young women under my stewardship at church and I look forward to sharing this with them. However, I am most grateful for the motivation you have inspired in me to get rid of a few more of my dresses and clothing items. Thank you again for sharing your faith and devotion with us. These are valuable guidelines to consider as we strive to purify our hearts.
God Bless!
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Hello, it’s me again:) I just re-read your first 8 questions and I have to thank you again for sharing these thoughts with us, they are truly inspired!!
.-= Lena´s last blog ..Just Our Family Fun =-.
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Miss Jocelyn,
I think your list is a great guide. However, as with all things, we must weigh in relation to the scriptures. We must be modest in all things. Not just in our dress. Yet, what troubles me is that you (and many others have almost made it a sin), to wear pantyhouse, nylons etc. This not scriptural! If it is not detailed or defined in the scriptures-you are wrong for ‘adding’ to HIS word. Now, I do undertand part of what you are saying; however, you must be everso careful when expressing this to young (all) women. What bother me is that these ‘men’ need to seek God and stop all this lusting! If they would pray more, seek His face, and study the word of God–there would be an end (almost) to this spirit-of-lust!
I’ve always held the opinion that there is more than way to skin a cat. Someone mentioned about using tank tops to layer…I do this as well. Sometime it is not practical to place another shirt underneath another shirt. It looks bulky and tacky. I’d rather not wear it if I have to look like that. Plus, we, as Christian women, don’t have to draw attention to ourselves. If you dress modestly in this day and age–you will stand out “all by yourself.” Wearing clothes is a magnet for ‘attention’ as we look abnormal to those of the world.
I do not believe wearing high heels is a sin! Yes, I do believe that there are shoes–heels, kitten heels, mules or flats that can draw attention. It’s not all in the height of the shoe. There is more to a shoe than that. Yet, I do see most of the ‘rift’ in what some call the Pentecostal churches. To me, a woman with hose on looks well-groomed, feminine, and appropriately dressed. That’s my personal opinion. And, I don’t believe she is doing anything displeasing to the Lord. I don’t EVER want to place anything over HIM. I sincerely appreciate your desire to please God. This should be our foremost desire. Even though I disagree with a couple of your points, I thank God for you as a young woman. You have encouraged me to ‘press toward the mark’ even more in my walk with Him.
All for Him,
Pamela
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Just for clarity, my comment regarding the wearing of high heels is in reference to the men–those who say it is only for ‘twisting’ when they walk, to draw attention to themselves, or to be sensual. All women don’t wear heels for that reason. Well, I don’t know any. LOL! The same with pantyhose. Plus, I want to make sure that I am not ‘judging’ you in a wrong manner. There are many articles of clothing that are immodest. We must be wise and prayerful in what we adorn ourselves in.
Again, you are a remarkable young woman. I adore your heart. We call can learn from each other.
The Lord bless you always!
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Thank you Pamela for your comment and gracious words. Again as I said in my previous comment I really put the pantyhose note on there as a note and something to consider. I also said that if your legs aren’t the center of attention (your skirt is long enough) then you probably won’t have any problems with pantyhose. I do not at all think it is a sin or anywhere near it to wear them.
You’re right men do need to control themselves, but even the WORD says if a man lust after a woman both he and SHE have committed the sin.
No matter if we’re “flaunting it” or dressed in a very plain way we will most likely draw attention to ourselves, but what is important is that by drawing attention ourselves are we then drawing attention to Him? That is the goal. The WORD speaks many times about the Israelites being different in their dress, food, and way of doing things. They were supposed to stick out – but for His glory, not their own.
Thanks again for your comments – it was a pleasure hearing your thoughts!
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These guidelines are suitable for all women of any age — girls to women. I feel uncomfortable in immodest clothes because I’m simply not accustomed to wearing revealing things. And I hate having to worry about bending over. So I rarely wear a V-neck top.
.-= Jimmie´s last blog ..Living Math with Factors, Multiples, and Primes =-.
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I’m not sure exactly where you stand on the matter of “pants vs. skirts” Jocelyn. I mean I don’t want to make any accusations until I fully know.
But as for a lot of the women and young ladies that have commented here, it’s not a sin to wear pants. I don’t see one single verse in the Bible where Jesus says, “YOU SHALL NOT WEAR PANTS!”
It is feminine to wear skirts and dresses though. I don’t have very many skirts, but I wear a LOT of dresses. And I have no problem if you just wear skirts all the time. But you can look very feminine even with jeans. The difference in how they make pants now a days, is that they have pants meant for women and pants meant for men. In other words pants meant to fit our bodies. Don’t take that the wrong way. I don’t mean tight fitting and curve hugging. I just mean they fit, ok?
There are ways that you can be modest without having to look like Laura Ingalls in Little House on the Prairie. I don’t make my own dresses. I don’t just wear skirts. I would if that was all I had. But, I don’t. I live in Idaho and it gets snowy and cold here.I think pants are fine to wear especially since it snows here.
I do agree about being modest. I agree about swim where. I wear a one piece bathing suit, and boy board shorts since girl board shorts are far too short.
Because it is so hard to find shirts that aren’t low or that don’t need a shirt underneath it, I wear undershirts. You can buy them at pretty much every store. Little tank tops specified to go UNDER that shirt that needs it. And they come in assorted colors.
Someone wayyy up there in the comments said something about being carried away when it comes to modesty, well I agree with her.
She’s right. If you are truly concerned about modesty, and are aware of the other people around you, then you won’t have something immodest in your closet, right? You don’t need to wear long sleeves, skirts that go all the way down to your ankles, and a bonnet to cover your head. I mean that’s just going a little too far. You need to make sure that what you are wearing is a good representation of Christ who’s name you bear. “CHRISTian”. If you do that, surely you aren’t going to pull out a mini dress and some fishnet tights or whatever they’re called.
In Christ,
Lissie Darcy
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I loved it….and on my blog, you can see the “modest” bathing suit my daughter has on. I have a friend on ebay that makes these bathing suits, let me know if you would like one made, they are $40, and I will send you the link. :)
.-= Juanita Faulkner´s last blog ..~BEACH TRIP~ =-.
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Have you ever tried Wholesome Wear for a modest bathing suit? All the ladies in my family and a lot of my friends wear them. They are fairly easy to swim in and they are very modest when getting in and out of the pool. The girls and ladies in my family wear the extended versions (long sleeves and longer pants underneath) for added modesty. Our friends like the regular versions, you have to determine which one you would like based on your own convictions. The Duggars (18 kids and counting) are among some of the many families that love them, they talk about it several times on their shows if you are looking for more feedback on Wholesome Wear. http://www.wholesomewear.com/page-4.html. Hope this is helpful. I completely agree with the modesty test, this has helped my family for many years… we learned it from some very good friends of ours in the 80’s and it has been helpful ever since. It is so nice to see that there are others, like yourself, that are passing along this Godly and helpful advice to the ladies of today.
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oh wonderful. Very good list. I agree. thanks for sharing
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When it comes to the pantyhose topic, for married women isn’t up to asking your husband what he expects and for single women asking the head of your household? What does everyone think?
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I’ve been having a fun time linking out of your site and back onto it. :-) Going in circles maybe but enjoying the content.
Here’s an additional thought on high heels: The Lord God gave us a beautifully designed/engineered body. We do much that does not show true care of it. We think of bodily damage done by tightened corsets in the past, but we don’t often think of the present as being just as bad.
When I was a little girl (a first grade Christian in an atheist home) I always loved when my aunt came back east to visit from Wisconsin. She was a very modern woman and I remember thinking she was quite elegant. In retrospect, compared to other women of the time she was not as high fashioned and glamorous as my young imagination believed, but compared to my grandmother and her friends she certainly was.
Two things sadden me when I think back to her “modern working girl look,” both of them based in the self inflicted damage she did. The first was heavy hoop earrings in her pierced ears – flamboyant they were, but they weighed down on those little holes till they left gaping holes and one eventually tore through altogether.
The second was the use of heels.
Now, I don’t know that some people aren’t simply more susceptible to this than others, but certainly we are all in danger of some degree of it. She wasn’t wearing racy stilettos or anything, just high heeled office pumps. With her short stature I don’t doubt they gave her a better showing and made her clothes hang more the way she wanted to be seen, but they also damaged her feet. Though she was not terribly heavy, the weight of her body pushing down in those high heels day after day in the office and out began to rearrange her toes. Both the left side and right side were being pushed inward, a couple of toes began to overlap, and my understanding as I recall it now was that the bones in the middle were being manipulated, too. At first she began having trouble walking in anything but high heels, including barefoot to the shower. Then her feet just began to hurt all the time. She has had surgery to deal with some of the pain, but her feet will always be misshapen. As a result of this, I gave up high heels as a teenager even before the words “Biblical femininity” ever crossed my path. I cannot believe that if I am to honor Yahweh with my life that I should be harming my body in this fashion just to pass as more modernly feminine or to create a certain look, and I am thankful to be blessed by my aunt’s curse, though I wish I could have learned it in a different manner and to not have such a story to tell. I find it ironic that we complain about how the Chinese used to bind womens feet at a young age to make them small and dainty points that could only be teetered on, but then we go and do these things to ourselves.
Blessings! :-)
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I loved this post!
I was just wondering – what church do you go to?
~Emily R G
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Shalom!
At Followers of Yah we have an article on modesty. Would I be able to link this to it? I love your check list. I’ve never seen one and yours is awesome and cute. I like it. :)
-Felicia
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Miss Jocelyn Tzahala's Reply:
February 7th, 2010 at 10:04 pm
Yes you’re more than welcome to do so! I was going to read over that article when I was there last, but didn’t get too. lol Glad you like the checklist. :)
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